This post is always the toughest one for me – the second post after I have started blogging again. Because in order to call it a path of growth and thought, more than one point of my life needs to be spoken about. I need multiple elements to map myself out onto the Internet.
The issue, though, is that I always pre-map my life/year/week/day out in my head prior to commencement.
raxxy v1.0 called this planning.
raxxy v3.14 calls this not living in the moment.
raxxy v1.0 can handle every situation, since she has thought about every possible path.
raxxy v3.14 suffers from sever anxiety because she is dealing with everything right now as it happens.
(Side note for people interested in data: This is like moving from small batch processing to streaming large data sets, in a sudden change because management has woken up to the idea of Big Data and click click click streams.)
If you have this ability of thinking on the spot, then you’re probably wondering why raxxy 3.14‘s anxiety needs to be mentioned. May I mention now that you’re not open-minded. Stop reading this blog. Close this page. Forget about it.
Oh, you’re still here.
Late in my 20s is when I realised that I can be groomed into this way of thinking, but it’s almost like training an old dog. Tricks don’t come so easily. You need to constantly have it in the back of your mind, constantly practice it and always be aware that when you’re in company of versions of your old self, you need to ALT+F4 from them. Else you’re always stuck in the ways of having your ears flare up, your heart racing, and your back crawling with chills when you can’t find the bus stop in a foreign city (and your bus arrives in 5 minutes).
I am getting there, alright. I have realized there is another bus coming.
The other thing that raxxy v3.14 needs to know is that that this way of thinking need not be fought alone. I am not the only idiot trying to figure things out, and be overwhelmed by the situation. There are many raxxys (raxxies?) out there.
The trick is to find a good psychiatrist, get a really good dose of Urbanol, and calm down.
LOL, you thought raxxys (raxxies?) would start a group. No. We are on our own. Living in the shadows of our extroverted selves
You will be fine.
I will be fine.
raxxy 3.14 will be fine.